-ariel schrag
25 January 2009
goddamn technology
i should never have broke the seal. or become dependent. my computer died & now i'm stuck in the fucking fishbowl all night. & tomorrow. & the day after//i don't want to think about it; it's too painful. goodbye thesis.
23 January 2009
16 January 2009
i've returned to the same place
i'm back where i started.
"above all, you must illumine your own soul with its profundities and its shallows, and its vanities and its generosities, and say what your beauty means to you or your plainness, and what is your relation to the ever changing and turning world of gloves and shoes and stuffs swaying up and down among the faint scents that come through chemists' bottles down arcades of dress material over a floor of pseudomarble."
-virginia woolf, a room of one's own
"above all, you must illumine your own soul with its profundities and its shallows, and its vanities and its generosities, and say what your beauty means to you or your plainness, and what is your relation to the ever changing and turning world of gloves and shoes and stuffs swaying up and down among the faint scents that come through chemists' bottles down arcades of dress material over a floor of pseudomarble."
-virginia woolf, a room of one's own
REASONS WHY ANN ARBOR IS GREAT
1. NICE STREET NAMES
2. NICE STREET TREES
3. NICE STREETS
4. FARMER'S MARKET
5. KOSMO'S
6. OLD TOWN, ABC
7. YPSILANTI
8. EARTHEN JAR, JERUSALEM GARDEN, ETC.
9. PHOTOBOOTH AT BAB'S. & THE BOUNCER FROM ILLINOIS WITH THE BEARD.
10. NICE PARKS (WURSTER, WELLINGTON, WINCHELL, BURNS, MILLER, WEST, CREAL, VET'S, ETC.)
11. TREASURE MART
12. Z-MAN'S, MADRAS MASALA, ETC.
13. BREAKFAST
14. BROADWAY BRIDGE
15. ARGO PARK PATH
16. COMMUNITY HIGH
17. I HAVE A JOB. TWO JOBS.
18. SMOKING IN BARS, HAPPY HOUR MONDAYS
19. ALL THE HILLS OUTSIDE THE CITY; PARKING STRUCTURES
20. THE 8-BALL; THE BUBBLE MACHINE @ THE HANDS ON MUSEUM; G'NITE GRACIE'S
21. SOUL CLUB @ BP
22. THE NICE MAN WHO WORKS WEEKEND NIGHTS AT THE GAS STATION AT MAIN & CATHERINE
23. REGULAR CUSTOMERS
24. THE FOOD CO-OP
25. THE FOOD CO-OP SALAD BAR
26. I AM NOT A MEMBER OF THE FOOD CO-OP
27. TOBACCONIST IN NICKEL'S ARCADE
28. THE HURON RIVER, DUH
29. THE RAILROAD BRIDGE
30. ALL OF THE OTHER RAILROAD BRIDGES
31. THE DAM. BECAUSE IT MIGHT BE GONE SOON.
32. THE PUBLIC LIBRARY
33. BOTANICAL GARDENS
34. HURON RIVER DRIVE
35. PICKEREL LAKE (TECH. NOT AA, BUT OH WELL)
36. PORCHES
37. PORCH SWINGS
38. AUTUMN.
39. WINTER.
40. SPRING.
41. SUMMER.
42. SCIO CHURCH ROAD
43. THE MYTH OF THE GIGANTIC CERAMIC TILE MUSHROOM SOMEWHERE IN THE WOODS
44. THE LAW QUAD (YEAH, I LIKE IT. A LOT.)
45. LIBERTY STREET VIDEO
46. KIWANIS
47. WASHTENAW DAIRY
48. BIRD HILL
49. THE CROWS
50. THE FACT THAT THERE SEEMS TO BE A SCENE, AN ART SCENE, A MUSIC SEEN, SHIT WHATEVER KIND OF SCENE, BUT THERE REALLY IS NOTHING PAST THE PRETENSION.
51. HOW FUCKING WALKABLE IT IS
52. AATA. FOR FREE.
53. AMBROSIA. 24/7.
54. THE BELL TOWER. THE PEREGRINE FALCONS THAT HANG OUT IN THE BELL TOWER.
55. THE DAY THEY TURN ALL THE FOUNTAINS BACK ON
56. ASSHOLE UMICH STUDENTS
57. SOUTH UNIVERSITY AVENUE
58. BTB
59. SPARROW MARKET
60. SPARROW MEAT MARKET
61. MONAHAN'S
62. DURHAM'S TRACKLEMENTS
63. EVE
64. /AUT/ BAR
65. EVERYONE IS AN ASSHOLE
66. UMMA
67. GALLERY PROJECT
68. DAWN TREADER
69. WEST SIDE BOOKS
70. FLEETWOOD DINER
71. DEER ON NORTH CAMPUS
72. DOWNTOWN HOME & GARDEN
73. GODDAMN CUPCAKES
74. DRUNKEN TRYSTS
75. HALLUCINOGENIC DRUGS
76. BLACK ELK CO-OP
77. INDIVIDUAL SCRABBLE LETTERS ON SALE AT FOUND IN KERRYTOWN
78. $$$$$$
79. THAT I CAN'T WALK ON THE SIDEWALKS WITHOUT TRIPPING
80. NORTH QUAD
81. COCAINE
82. CUTTING ACROSS TOWN THROUGH ALLEYS
83. MAIN STREET LIQUOR
84. MICHIGAN THEATER
85. ALSO THE STATE THEATER
86. ALSO SNEAKING INTO THE DOLLAR MOVIES AT BRIARWOOD
87. $2.32 FOR A COFFEE & A CROCUS BULB
88. THE STUPID GRAFFITI ALLEY
89. BEER DEPOT
90. NEWPORT RD. DETROIT ST.
91. CROSSING THE STREET ANYWHERE, ANYTIME
92. HOW GOOD IT FEELS TO GET OUT OF THIS GODDAMN TOWN
93. NOTHING IS SACRED
94. BASEMENT PARTIES
95. ATTIC ROOMS
96. SELF-DESCRIBED AS "FUNKY" "HIPSTER" "TOWNIE" ETC. ETC.
97. DIAG PARTY STORE
98. BRICK ROADS
99. NUDIE STATUE NEAR ANGELO'S
100. SYCAMORES. EVERYWHERE. WHAT ELSE?
2. NICE STREET TREES
3. NICE STREETS
4. FARMER'S MARKET
5. KOSMO'S
6. OLD TOWN, ABC
7. YPSILANTI
8. EARTHEN JAR, JERUSALEM GARDEN, ETC.
9. PHOTOBOOTH AT BAB'S. & THE BOUNCER FROM ILLINOIS WITH THE BEARD.
10. NICE PARKS (WURSTER, WELLINGTON, WINCHELL, BURNS, MILLER, WEST, CREAL, VET'S, ETC.)
11. TREASURE MART
12. Z-MAN'S, MADRAS MASALA, ETC.
13. BREAKFAST
14. BROADWAY BRIDGE
15. ARGO PARK PATH
16. COMMUNITY HIGH
17. I HAVE A JOB. TWO JOBS.
18. SMOKING IN BARS, HAPPY HOUR MONDAYS
19. ALL THE HILLS OUTSIDE THE CITY; PARKING STRUCTURES
20. THE 8-BALL; THE BUBBLE MACHINE @ THE HANDS ON MUSEUM; G'NITE GRACIE'S
21. SOUL CLUB @ BP
22. THE NICE MAN WHO WORKS WEEKEND NIGHTS AT THE GAS STATION AT MAIN & CATHERINE
23. REGULAR CUSTOMERS
24. THE FOOD CO-OP
25. THE FOOD CO-OP SALAD BAR
26. I AM NOT A MEMBER OF THE FOOD CO-OP
27. TOBACCONIST IN NICKEL'S ARCADE
28. THE HURON RIVER, DUH
29. THE RAILROAD BRIDGE
30. ALL OF THE OTHER RAILROAD BRIDGES
31. THE DAM. BECAUSE IT MIGHT BE GONE SOON.
32. THE PUBLIC LIBRARY
33. BOTANICAL GARDENS
34. HURON RIVER DRIVE
35. PICKEREL LAKE (TECH. NOT AA, BUT OH WELL)
36. PORCHES
37. PORCH SWINGS
38. AUTUMN.
39. WINTER.
40. SPRING.
41. SUMMER.
42. SCIO CHURCH ROAD
43. THE MYTH OF THE GIGANTIC CERAMIC TILE MUSHROOM SOMEWHERE IN THE WOODS
44. THE LAW QUAD (YEAH, I LIKE IT. A LOT.)
45. LIBERTY STREET VIDEO
46. KIWANIS
47. WASHTENAW DAIRY
48. BIRD HILL
49. THE CROWS
50. THE FACT THAT THERE SEEMS TO BE A SCENE, AN ART SCENE, A MUSIC SEEN, SHIT WHATEVER KIND OF SCENE, BUT THERE REALLY IS NOTHING PAST THE PRETENSION.
51. HOW FUCKING WALKABLE IT IS
52. AATA. FOR FREE.
53. AMBROSIA. 24/7.
54. THE BELL TOWER. THE PEREGRINE FALCONS THAT HANG OUT IN THE BELL TOWER.
55. THE DAY THEY TURN ALL THE FOUNTAINS BACK ON
56. ASSHOLE UMICH STUDENTS
57. SOUTH UNIVERSITY AVENUE
58. BTB
59. SPARROW MARKET
60. SPARROW MEAT MARKET
61. MONAHAN'S
62. DURHAM'S TRACKLEMENTS
63. EVE
64. /AUT/ BAR
65. EVERYONE IS AN ASSHOLE
66. UMMA
67. GALLERY PROJECT
68. DAWN TREADER
69. WEST SIDE BOOKS
70. FLEETWOOD DINER
71. DEER ON NORTH CAMPUS
72. DOWNTOWN HOME & GARDEN
73. GODDAMN CUPCAKES
74. DRUNKEN TRYSTS
75. HALLUCINOGENIC DRUGS
76. BLACK ELK CO-OP
77. INDIVIDUAL SCRABBLE LETTERS ON SALE AT FOUND IN KERRYTOWN
78. $$$$$$
79. THAT I CAN'T WALK ON THE SIDEWALKS WITHOUT TRIPPING
80. NORTH QUAD
81. COCAINE
82. CUTTING ACROSS TOWN THROUGH ALLEYS
83. MAIN STREET LIQUOR
84. MICHIGAN THEATER
85. ALSO THE STATE THEATER
86. ALSO SNEAKING INTO THE DOLLAR MOVIES AT BRIARWOOD
87. $2.32 FOR A COFFEE & A CROCUS BULB
88. THE STUPID GRAFFITI ALLEY
89. BEER DEPOT
90. NEWPORT RD. DETROIT ST.
91. CROSSING THE STREET ANYWHERE, ANYTIME
92. HOW GOOD IT FEELS TO GET OUT OF THIS GODDAMN TOWN
93. NOTHING IS SACRED
94. BASEMENT PARTIES
95. ATTIC ROOMS
96. SELF-DESCRIBED AS "FUNKY" "HIPSTER" "TOWNIE" ETC. ETC.
97. DIAG PARTY STORE
98. BRICK ROADS
99. NUDIE STATUE NEAR ANGELO'S
100. SYCAMORES. EVERYWHERE. WHAT ELSE?
murder; copse
ever see all the crows in the trees in the early morning before the sun rises? esp. at the corner of state & lawrence, miller & first, kingsley & detroit, jefferson & third. they come at twilight too. so many goddamn crows. wedge-shaped tail? or is it blockier than a raven? i forget, it's been too long. they woke me up the other morning. birds are the coolest. esp. crows & ravens.
good scrabble //words
mandrake
fertile
gesso
syndrome
tannin
hemlock
axiom
gypsum
anoxia
sedges
vapid
hoist
nascent
flocks
fenestra
ambry
obelisk
anemic
kismet
orotund
paysage
fuzzy
dystopia
fertile
gesso
syndrome
tannin
hemlock
axiom
gypsum
anoxia
sedges
vapid
hoist
nascent
flocks
fenestra
ambry
obelisk
anemic
kismet
orotund
paysage
fuzzy
dystopia
it's so fucking cold
they cancelled school. except it was the last day of the semester. oh well. i'll give all my students a's anyhow. but it was kind of offensive to wake up at 7, make some coffee, put on gloves & a hat & a scarf just to get to community high and find the doors locked. i could still be sleeping...
i was even going to be productive today. fuck that. i've been playing around on the internet for over 2 hrs. & haven't done shit. i'm gonna go home & watch bad t.v. all day. happy frigid cold.
i was even going to be productive today. fuck that. i've been playing around on the internet for over 2 hrs. & haven't done shit. i'm gonna go home & watch bad t.v. all day. happy frigid cold.
13 January 2009
the continual problem:
i always am more concerned with what i am doing next week, next month, next year than with what i am doing presently.
unless i am studying trees, that is. people draw with sharpies all over the exposed bark of the sycamores outside mason hall. it makes me sick. LEAVE THE GODDAMN TREES ALONE GUYS. why can't i just..
unless i am studying trees, that is. people draw with sharpies all over the exposed bark of the sycamores outside mason hall. it makes me sick. LEAVE THE GODDAMN TREES ALONE GUYS. why can't i just..
08 January 2009
05 January 2009
GENUFLECTION
[a pathetic attempt at prose poetry]
hallowed be thy--
nine abandoned stories, a spiral staircase. breakfast. a city that at night looks real and painless. how sadness can percolate and precipitate regardless of situation and circumstance. get real drunk and sleep late. happy goddamn new year, no sunrise. an old sycamore in my nana and bubba's yard--peeling tree of mystery, the soft core of flesh, photosynthetic inner bark. the unknown. looks like maple leaves but. little three year old girl at the bar next to me drinking whole milk out of a plastic cup with a lid and straw cracking jokes i could never think of she makes everyone laugh hard and i want a child so bad sometimes that tree held something. so did the small strip of woods. the yew bushes as tall as three men with their red aril berries. staining my jean shorts. woke up early this morning for the first time in weeks. alone. something unspeakable and unknowable. century tree. put all your energy toward one thing and then give up, die. expended. another drunk girl tripping, accusing her boyfriend of pushing her. it's been so long what was i thinking? i had someone there to protect me? to take care of me? a $45.00 new year's eve. a longer nap than i've taken in months. a refound friendship. i'm doing nothing about any of them. three fingers and i always apologize when i shouldn't. unnecessary. i want to be a good listener but people keep asking me questions. what was it about that tree? that walk or two for coffee where ionie fell asleep in the stroller despite heavy traffic and was mistaken for my child one, two, three, four times. i never corrected any of them. another teenage mother gone bust. another heavy breast, rain cloud, fat rat. but we had such nice weather; but we had such a nice time. unappreciative. the basement. mistake #1: don't take anything for granted or granite. the street trees all lined up in a row. the huge chunks of ice floating in the dark ominous waters of lake michigan possibly more polluted than childhood summers, but not silent--dancing. red lipstick kisses. the petroleum bridge in millennium park. the huron river froze: i would ice skate / down it / do you own ice / skates no / but i have roller / blades no roller / blades allowed. they chopped all that shit down, sorry hon'. i always write with a slant. chalk another one up to misapprehension. or being too honest. a too honest mistake. i knocked the amp over. i dropped my mascara in the sink. it wasn't that important. at least i got midnight twice i was so confused. you're on the wrong clock darling. you are mistaken. what trajectory is my life headed along? irritation was not a factor. i always mean every word i write. sincerity. to a point, always an ending or a fading off. the ghostly border where truths blend with untruths. where i dread the fast falling of night because i have to wake up in the morning. i'm so scared i won't sleep. my body so sacred and sexualized down to the quick of my bones. it pushes the coffee, calciferous skeleton, stony coral, botany baby, just one more drink before we must go.
hallowed be thy--
nine abandoned stories, a spiral staircase. breakfast. a city that at night looks real and painless. how sadness can percolate and precipitate regardless of situation and circumstance. get real drunk and sleep late. happy goddamn new year, no sunrise. an old sycamore in my nana and bubba's yard--peeling tree of mystery, the soft core of flesh, photosynthetic inner bark. the unknown. looks like maple leaves but. little three year old girl at the bar next to me drinking whole milk out of a plastic cup with a lid and straw cracking jokes i could never think of she makes everyone laugh hard and i want a child so bad sometimes that tree held something. so did the small strip of woods. the yew bushes as tall as three men with their red aril berries. staining my jean shorts. woke up early this morning for the first time in weeks. alone. something unspeakable and unknowable. century tree. put all your energy toward one thing and then give up, die. expended. another drunk girl tripping, accusing her boyfriend of pushing her. it's been so long what was i thinking? i had someone there to protect me? to take care of me? a $45.00 new year's eve. a longer nap than i've taken in months. a refound friendship. i'm doing nothing about any of them. three fingers and i always apologize when i shouldn't. unnecessary. i want to be a good listener but people keep asking me questions. what was it about that tree? that walk or two for coffee where ionie fell asleep in the stroller despite heavy traffic and was mistaken for my child one, two, three, four times. i never corrected any of them. another teenage mother gone bust. another heavy breast, rain cloud, fat rat. but we had such nice weather; but we had such a nice time. unappreciative. the basement. mistake #1: don't take anything for granted or granite. the street trees all lined up in a row. the huge chunks of ice floating in the dark ominous waters of lake michigan possibly more polluted than childhood summers, but not silent--dancing. red lipstick kisses. the petroleum bridge in millennium park. the huron river froze: i would ice skate / down it / do you own ice / skates no / but i have roller / blades no roller / blades allowed. they chopped all that shit down, sorry hon'. i always write with a slant. chalk another one up to misapprehension. or being too honest. a too honest mistake. i knocked the amp over. i dropped my mascara in the sink. it wasn't that important. at least i got midnight twice i was so confused. you're on the wrong clock darling. you are mistaken. what trajectory is my life headed along? irritation was not a factor. i always mean every word i write. sincerity. to a point, always an ending or a fading off. the ghostly border where truths blend with untruths. where i dread the fast falling of night because i have to wake up in the morning. i'm so scared i won't sleep. my body so sacred and sexualized down to the quick of my bones. it pushes the coffee, calciferous skeleton, stony coral, botany baby, just one more drink before we must go.
04 January 2009
define irony
it gets dark so goddamn early. i woke up at 5 a. yesterday and 6 a. today. have fallen out of that routine. that early morning walk. the field that is supposedly haunted. the key that won't quite turn in the lock. the scones that are always underdone or overdone, butter that won't churn & milk that won't spoil.
i dropped my mascara in the sink. i think that tree was supposed to mean something. & the small strip of woods; the yew bushes three men tall with red aril berries. staining my jean shorts. it really wasn't that important.
yesterday a giant poodle tried to attack me. no joke- outside the pet salon dog wash in a house on miller. today i got a splinter in my left ring finger--a really big one that won't come out. i even tried a knife & tweezers & a scooby-doo band-aid. then i went out to salt / de-ice the bakery steps, slipped & fell. i also think i lost twenty dollars. & i have a headache.
welcome to 2oo9i. as-tro-log-i-cal.
i dropped my mascara in the sink. i think that tree was supposed to mean something. & the small strip of woods; the yew bushes three men tall with red aril berries. staining my jean shorts. it really wasn't that important.
yesterday a giant poodle tried to attack me. no joke- outside the pet salon dog wash in a house on miller. today i got a splinter in my left ring finger--a really big one that won't come out. i even tried a knife & tweezers & a scooby-doo band-aid. then i went out to salt / de-ice the bakery steps, slipped & fell. i also think i lost twenty dollars. & i have a headache.
welcome to 2oo9i. as-tro-log-i-cal.
so what if i haven't gotten my period
a lithopedion (greek: litho = stone; pedion = child), or STONE BABY, is a rare phenomenon which occurs most commonly when a fetus dies during an ectopic pregnancy, is too large to be reabsorbed by the body, and calcifies on the outside, shielding the mother's body from the dead tissue of the baby and preventing infection. lithopedia may occur from 14 weeks' gestation to full term. it is not unusual for a stone baby to remain undiagnosed for decades, and it is often not until a patient is examined for other conditions or a proper examination is conducted that includes an x-ray that a stone baby is found. the oldest reported case is that of a 76 year old woman, whose lithopedion could have been present for approximately 46 years.
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